I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize