If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
