Her vagina should come with caution tape.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
zippers are such a cool invention
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
