So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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