So drunk its hurt
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
