dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
