I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
