Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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