Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
