I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
