In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
