i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
