Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I looked at my own cervix.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
