Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
