dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
