I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Fuck me I smell like cheese
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
