When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
