Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize