I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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