You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
