I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
my poor anus
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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