i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
