hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So much Jack, so little girl.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
