oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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