girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
is that a dick in a sweater?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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