I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
