my phone needs a breathalizer
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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