dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
