just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
