just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
