He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
