My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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