My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
