in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
