he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
