I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
