dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize