Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
