We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
