i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
