Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize