Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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