Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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