Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize