This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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