I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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