It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She even gives head with a lisp.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
