I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
