her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize