I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
