dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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