Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
