he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize