I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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