I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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