Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
