I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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