Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
