i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
