btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
