Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize