sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
