He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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