His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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