drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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