they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
